My, What Sharp Teeth You Have.

I love my dog.

I really do.

I’m just repeating that to myself over and over tonight, as she snoozes on the Lion King Blanket beside me:

And tomorrow morning, I’m going to search for the nearest doggie dentist, who can file down Harley’s teeth, which are evidently sharper than the a Ginzu Knife.

I was talking to my mom on the phone tonight, and Harley, in a split second, jumped up and grabbed my Amex card off the coffee table where it had been sitting.

I flew off the couch and started with the whole “LEAVE IT!” command, yelling in my mom’s ear (sorry about that, mom. I wasn’t tell YOU to LEAVE IT, I promise.)

I’m screaming at the dog, LEAVE IT, and what does she do?

She jumps down onto her two front paws like, “COME AND GET ME.”

Dear Jesus.

She had my Amex card in her mouth.

I was tired, there was food on the stove I was praying not to burn, I had my mom on the phone, and the dog had suddenly decided to play chase with my credit card.

I tried to stay calm, but come on, we’re talking about a credit card.

“Harley, STOP. LEAVVVVEEEEE ITT” I yelled in my absolute most I-am-the-freaking-pack-leader-I-watch-Ceasar-Milan-and-this-always-works-for-him type voice.

She went back down on two front paws.

Tail wagging.

And she took off running.

Stupid Dog Whisperer.

I yelled at Chase to come help me.

Fortunately, Chase listens much better than the dog, and he came running at just the moment Harley spit the card out.

Here was the result:

But wait! There’s more!

Alrighty then.

So THAT’s how the evening is going to go.

I know a bad sign when I see one.

I admonished the dog, got the stove turned off, sat down at my computer, and Harley jumped up next to me, all feeling sorry for me, I am absolutely sure, since she just ruined any chance of me charging up a pair of UGGs on my Amex this weekend.

In one fell swoop (if I had not seen this with my own two eyes, I would not have believed it) she hopped on the couch by me, her mouth inadevertantly hit the black computer cord and sparks started to fly. Literally.

I didn’t notice the sparks at first. I noticed the smell.

Keep in mind, I was still talking to my mom (she’s used to this sort of chaos from me,) bemoaning the hole and slobber on my Amex card, and I realized I smelled something burning.

I turned my head in time to see sparks coming out of my computer cable.

This time, I threw the phone down.

“Holy Sh****ttt” {I’m sure my mom is all thinking, “Dude, do you EVER have a normal evening at your house?” (Answer, no, we do not. I am either chasing down dogs, chasing down kids, or trying to make sure my teenage son doesn’t elope. That’s a joke. Sort of.)}

I yanked the cord from the computer, sparks were a flyin’, I jumped up and pulled the cord from the wall.

Once I knew we would not need 911, I put down the Amex card with the hole in it. And here is what my computer cable looked like:

I promise to you, her mouth barely grazed that cord.

I mean, I wanted a shepherd, not a poodle with a perm, I would not have let her have any sort of cord in her mouth, at all.

I guess I should have learned my lesson on Valentine’s Day.

Henry is Kloey’s (Tyler’s girlfriend, for those of you who are behind, click here…) adorable dog. Henry is Harley’s boyfriend, they just don’t know it yet.

Kloey’s mom and I set them up, we just haven’t told either dog.

So Henry gave Harley this cute puppy for Valentine’s (Harley has no home training, she still needs to give Henry a box of chocolates or something). Anyhow, the puppy was SO cute! In fact Harley thought Henry’s stuffed puppy was so cute, she ate it. Here is what he looks like now (he used to have eyes. I swear.):

Maybe I should rename her.

Razor Mouth?

Ginzu?

CUJO?

If you enjoyed this post, get the e-mail version, follow my Working Mom series, or become an Examiner yourself!

Follow me for the next 4 weeks as I take part in the Gotta Love Chevy, Mom Needs A Time Out blogging project! There will be daily give aways and prizes! Come on over to our Facebook Group!
Or visit my friends over at Munday Chevrolet, here in Houston! Tell them Shannon sent you!