The Slow Goodbye
For all the talk that I do about Harley, and her antics, disappearing to the neighborhood doggie day spa, I rarely have written about Katy, our first dog.
Katy is an Australian Shepherd mix, and she is 15 years old now.
We got Katy from a friend of my mom’s. Katy’s mother had been hit by a car and killed, and the remaining puppies, barely eight weeks old at the time, were hiding under a man’s house.
Katy was the last puppy to find a home, and the reason for that was because she has always, always been very skittish.
This man lived in a pier and beam house, and he literally had to crawl up under that house and drag her little self out, kicking and screaming the whole way. Tyler was about 2 years old, Chase was 3 months old, and there was no Jordan.
When the kids were little, they could not play soccer, because her Aussie instinct over ruled, and she would steal the ball.
And good luck if you ever came in between Katy and the kids.
Katy and our old German Shepherd Daisy, 10 years ago.
She guarded us fiercly, slept with one eye open.
When Robert’s work shift had him arriving home at 3 am, Katy would hear his car coming down the street in the middle of the night and meet him at the door.
I cannot really explain what she has meant to our family over the years. Katy has been the ultimate definition of ‘companion.’ I can remember when I had 3 small babies, we lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and my husband was gone for days at a time. Were it not for Katy’s protectiveness, I might have never slept.
Over the years, people have thought she was a little quirky.
Once the kids stopped playing soccer, she started to herd anything she could find. It didn’t matter if it was a stick, a rock, the bbq pit-she found something to herd, and herded all day, usually with incessant barking.
But, at the end of the day, she slept by the door and would have given her life to save one of the kids.
Over the past year or two, her sight and hearing have deteriorated, and it’s taken longer and longer for her to get up in the morning.
Once we lost Tank last year, I told Robert that we needed to talk about Katy.
I felt sure that she would let us know when it was her time to go.
Now I realize I was wrong.
Katy will never, ever voluntarily leave us.
She will either pass away (but only as a last resort, and only after she has hung on to every last ounce of breath in her body) or we will have to let her go.
I think I realize now what has to happen.
I am not sure how to say goodbye to the being that has probably been more protective of my kids than I have.
I don’t know how we thank her.
I kept hoping she would give us a sign when she was ready.
Now I realize she was sending us a sign all along: “I’m not going when I’m ready. I’ll go only when you’re ready.”
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Oh man Shannon…I am crying. We have a crazy quirky dog that loves and is so protective of our kids. He is about 13 and we rescued him from the pound. We have spent a lot of money on training. Most people thought he’d be gone once we had kids, but he proved them wrong…he is smart and knew he had to shape up. He cans till jump over 6 foot fences, but I am sure the day is coming…
I wish none of us ever had to deal with this (I know it is not a possible wish, but I can think it anyway).
Holly
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In our human existance we are not conditioned to deal with “unconditional” anything…much less committment and service.
Follow your heart and know that whatever decision you make she will unconditionally support you whichever way you go. She will be happy either way…
nowhere in the “life” manual do they talk about how these things are easy.
why are we created to care so much about something we have no direct control over except just accepting…
trust the “trust” you have developed over all this time…she we be fine. And so will you.
Miss you guys.
Such a hard thing. I feel your pain. Our Zoey is 14 and we have talked about it to try to prepare everyone for when she let’s us know. I believe that she will let you know in her own way.
So sorry to hear your pain and I can only imagine how difficult it is to say good bye to such a loyal and devoted friend.
My thoughts are with you….
Mary Kay
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Our first family dog is only seven months old. My daugther still misses her hamsters that lasted only weeks. I can only imagine how she’d react to losing the dog.
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Amazing how they become such a huge part of the family. Annoying pet behaviors and all. One of our dogs seems to be ill now, hopefully we haven’t reached the end of our journey with him, but this really touched home for me. Katy sounds like a great dog.
Mrsbear´s last blog ..Teen Angst, Karma, and Other Fitting Room Disasters
We are going through the same thing right now with our Yellow Lab, Bonkers. Although my husband refuses to talk about putting him down. I can’t tell you how many scares we have had with coming up to him and not knowing whether he is sleeping or whether he has passed away. He can’t see, he can’t hear, his teeth are worn down, and it takes him about 5 min to get up or sit down. We can’t leave him inside for very long anymore because he is incontinent. But my husband and the kids refuse to let him go. It’s tough.
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