It still blows my mind that I am old enough to have a kid discussing college choices.

I mean, you know how when you are pregnant with your first kid, and talking with grandparents about college funds and saving this and saving that?

News flash #1: if you’ve saved much by the time SAT discussions start, you’re way ahead of the game.

And news flash #2: those freaking SAT discussions get here a whole lot quicker than your financial planner warns you about.

I mean, really.

I can do the math from age 0 to 18. I get that, just fine.

What I cannot do is the Albert-Einsteinish-Rocky-Horror-Picture-Show-Time-Warpish (Google that please, if you were born past about 1978) style speed that it all gets here.

One day I’m wipin’ a baby’s a**, the next day, I’m wiping my damn nose when the kids aren’t looking so they don’t see me boo-hooing about how big they are.

Of course, we’ve preached, prayed and pleaded with Tyler about grades and college, pretty much every since he could say, “binky.”

 

And, like most teenagers, he’s listened patiently and moved right on to the next video game.

Last fall, we took a tour of my college alma mater, Stephen F. Austin State University, in Nacogdoches, Texas (don’t even try to say it if you’re not from here.)

It’s a great school, about 2.5 hours away, small, beautiful campus.

Yeah, yeah, whatever, mom.

Last fall, when my super neighbor’s daughter headed off to OU, I tried to talk to Tyler about checking that school out.

It wasn’t even up for discussion.

Apparently, if you are a UT Longhorn fan, even considering OU is a cardinal sin.

THAT conversation was over quicker than I could say frat party.

Not only is the school your mom went to not up for consideration, the next set of criteria is based on the college football team, Big 12 this or that, and rankings. And I don’t mean CLASS RANK, I mean football team rank.

As if that is going to GET YOU A JOB ONE DAY!

The school FOOTBALL RANKINGS! WHO PICKS A COLLEGE BASED ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM!

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Okay, enter his adorable red headed girlfriend last fall.

The same girlfriend that he is absolutely head-over-heels-over-the-moon-multiplied-by-about-ten-bazillion about.

No need for telescopes when they are nearby, those two. You can see stars, and planets, and the entire solar system right in my living room.

She has her head on straight, and wants to go to Texas Tech, she’s got it all planned out.

Funny, how things work.

Just a year ago, Tyler was boooooing Texas Tech as they played UT, just a rootin’ for those Horns.

Today, he came home waving a Tech brochure at me, telling Jordan and me what a beautiful campus it is.

Really now?

That same school you wanted nothing to with, now has a beautiful campus?

In LUBBOCK? Have you SEENLUBBOCK (sorry to all the Lubbockians, don’t take it personal, I’ve got to try anything here…)

He stood there in front of Jordan and me, and plead his case about Texas Tech.

We listened patiently.

He saw the looks on our faces and said, “Now listen. If Kloey changes her mind, and goes somewhere else, I will STILL WANT TO GO TO TEXAS TECH.”

Jordan and I looked at each other.

“Do you buy that,” I said to Jordan?

“No way. Not a chance,” Jordan replied. “Who do you think you’re kidding?”

“And not only that,” Jordan said. “You’re gonna make my life stink, because by the time you AND Chase both go off to college, she’s not gonna let me go ANYWHERE as far as Texas Tech.” (Jordan’s so right about that one.)

Tyler looked at me. Back at Jordan. One more time to each of us.

“Well…… if Kloey doesn’t go there, I can always transfer out.”

Warp speed, people, I’m telling you, warp speed.

If you’ve got little kids, get ready.

Captain Kirk is in the driver’s seat, and he’s got his foot on the gas.

Pardon me while I go blow my nose.

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