Calling In Sick.

Tyler is 16 years old, and like many teenagers, he is very busy. He has a new girlfriend, he is a Varsity swimmer, and earlier this year he signed up for the water polo team that practices three days a week. He is a great kid, has worked full time for the past two summers, and rarely gets in trouble.

But, every now and then I am reminded that he is still a full blown teenager, and that the examples I set for him as a working parent, will soon carry over into his own adult life.

Last weekend, we went to Dallas  for the weekend water polo tournament. It was a long weekend for all of us; a great experience, but tiring nonetheless.

This weekend, he had another tournament. This time, the games were scheduled only for Sunday afternoon, at a school less than ten minutes from our house. And, there was no entry fee. Since we are rarely doing anything on Sunday afternoons, I quickly signed him up.

What I didn’t know was that his girlfriend had private tickets to an exclusive holiday party where Bon Jovi (yes, THE Bon Jovi) would be performing. We’re not talking a stadium. We’re talking about someone’s private estate.

You can just imagine how our plans collided. My plans for him to play water polo for four hours on Sunday didn’t exactly mix real well with his plans to attend a private rock concert put on by one of the most famous bands in the world. I can’t say that I blamed him.

The problem was Tyler came into my room later Saturday evening, long after I had told the team he would be there on Sunday, and THAT’S when he asked me about the concert. I had received at least three e-mails asking all of the parents to confirm who would be playing at the games on Sunday, and since we hadn’t discussed the concert, I, of course, told them he would be there.

Essentially, my son wanted me to call in sick for him. He didn’t want to go to the games; he wanted to go to the concert with his girlfriend.

I started to explain priorities, and then very quickly realized by the look on his face, DUH, the girlfriend and the rock concert WERE his priorities!

We left the conversation hanging Saturday night, and he appeared at the foot of my bed this morning, ready to discuss the options again.

This time, he started to sniffle and said, “Well, I’m sick. AND, I left my swim suit at school.”

I started to get irritated. We had moved from rational discussions (who am I kidding, he’s a teenager, I know, I tried,) to silly excuses. I became frustrated.

When I asked him what he wanted to do, he replied, “Not go play, I’m sick. And then go to the concert.”

I almost lost it. “You want to leave them team hanging because you don’t feel well. But go to an outdoors concert? Not on your life. We’ll get a suit from the sporting goods store. Or, you’ll stay home entirely if you’re that sick. Choose.”

Was I really going to pull my kid out of a private rock concert that even I wanted to attend?

I have to give him credit. He didn’t put up much of an argument. He looked at me and said, “Fine. We’ll get a suit.” Then he walked out.

It didn’t feel right, that ending.

He is turning the curve towards 17 years old, nearly an adult.

He was asking me to allow him to call in sick to water polo for something most adults would easily, EASILY call in sick to work for.

I thought about it. I called my mom. I thought some more. Then, I called him back into my room.

“I will not lie for you,” I said. “You are too close to being an adult, too close to making this decision on your own, and I am not going to make up any story. If you want to miss the games, YOU will call the coach, YOU will tell them you have a great opportunity, and YOU will explain it using your voice and your words. But neither of us will lie to anyone.”

He thought about it for a second, and agreed.

I gave him the phone number for the team rep, and he called. She was out. He left a voice message, and I think he thought that was the end of it. Fortunately, she heard his message and called right back.

He half sniffled and explained that he was sick, and that he also had the chance to go to a really great event that he didn’t want to miss. She agreed that he sounded sick and asked him if was going to play the season, which he said he would, and she thanked him for calling.

Had I known she was going to call that quickly, I would have called her first and asked her to lay a really good guilt trip on him about supporting his team.

In the end, it all worked out, but I think it was a great example of how the examples we set as working parents carry over into the lives of our children.

It would have been easy for us to not show up at all for the water polo games today, or for me to call and tell the coach he was sick.

But, what message would that send my oldest child about commitment, responsibility, and being accountable.

All I know is, he better have taken some darn good photos at the concert.

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