Well, I haven’t done an IST update lately, here goes nothing.
I actually haven’t been in a few weeks, and the time or two I’ve gone, we’ve had some very interesting, thought provoking discussions that will probably remain skeletons in the blog closet for now.
But, my last visit was an interesting topic, one I am sure most women deal with, so I will share.
To make a long story kinda short, basically the IST thinks that I am too much of a perfectionist.
That is really nothing new, to those who know me. My ongoing joke is that I am not ‘Type A,’ I’m actually ‘Type AAA.’
Yes, I will admit that I have a few perfectionist type tendencies, not gonna deny that.
But, here’s where it gets tricky.
Since October of last year, I’ve lost 60 pounds. It’s awesome, amazing, a place I never thought I would be (or look) having just turned 40ish in August.
A funny thing happened on my weight loss journey, though. I never in a million years thought I would lose 60 pounds. But, here I am weighing much less, and a small, teeny, tiny part of me still wants to lose 5 more pounds. Which turns into 5 more.
You get the picture, when does it end?
People tell me all the time that I look great, especially people who haven’t seen me in a long time.
But when I look in the mirror, and I mean like the just-before-you-step-in-the-shower, buck ass naked mirror, I don’t see anything near what I really want. I see a bump here, an area there, and before I know it, my mind has tricked me into thinking that 5 more pounds just won’t hurt?
So my IST went from conversational to dead serious this last visit and said she was really concerned that my need for perfection is about to carry over into an eating disorder (yeah, I’ve had one of those for about 35 years, but not the kind she is thinking of!)
Her assignment? You’ve probably heard this before, raise your hand loud and clear if you’ve ever done it honestly because I would love to hear about it.
She wants me to stand in front of the mirror, in my birthday suit of course, and compliment myself.
I mean she was I’m-not-jackin-around serious about this.
There are a few problems with her homework.
First of all, there is my husband. I would need to time this carefully. I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll, but my husband has a sixth sense for things like me standing in front of a mirror, naked. I don’t care what video game he is playing, what TV show he is watching, what power tool he is operating in the garage on full blast and normally would not hear the Macy’s Day Parade if it was on my very street-if I am standing in my bathroom all nekkid-like, trust me, he will know, and he will swoop in here like Superman rescuing Lois Lane, only I will look more like an NFL Quarterback being sacked on Sunday football. I can barely flush the toilet without him swooping in. Naked in front of a mirror? It would need to be a damn quick round of compliments!
The second issue, besides the fact that it feels kinda corny (notice, honey, if you are reading this, that says Corny, not Horny) is that I don’t think I can do this and do it honestly?
I’m really happy with my weight loss. I love my size 4 Jeans, don’t get me wrong. But, I just have had a hard time with this.
While we’re well educated on teen girls and eating/body image disorders, I’ve no doubt most women my age struggle with the exact same problems.
After all, while the teen girls are looking up to Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, those of us who grew up in the 70′s have Jennifer Anniston (born 3 months before me,) Courtney Cox, Brooke Shields…the list goes on and on.
Adult women are just as bombarded with trimmed down, toned up, tanned women on the cover of every freakin’ magazine, as we stand in line to by our Lean Cuisines (Or Cheez Its and Diet Coke), as teenagers!
Even Kate Gosselin had a damn tummy tuck! I know, I know, she had 8 kids in there and all. And her husband ran off with the plastic surgeon’s daughter. But who’s counting!
I think the need to look a certain way is in most women, I don’t think we ever out grow it, we just stop talking about it.
So far, I haven’t done my homework.
I’ve tried to focus, when I am dressed, thank you, on not feeling the need to look perfect, but just look healthy.
But, I swear, 5 more pounds, and my derriere would be just perfect!
How do you feel? Should I do it? Would you do it? Could you do this and do it honestly?
(Sorry dad, I’m sure this was way more than you wanted to read! At least I didn’t talk about your lady friends this time, or mom’s colonscopy?)
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i’d always been so overly weight conscious my entire life until starting to work out. i swear, once the inches started coming off, and i went from waist 34 down to waist 31, i began to care less about the number on the scale… crack open that p90x dvd set and pop it in! =)
I am impressed by your weight loss. How did you do it (since I am a newer blogger I missed it if you blogged about it!)? I have some weight to lose and I keep thinking when it is gone I will feel fine, but I remember how I felt when I was thinner and it was no different..never good enough. I am working on it. I am posting something tomorrow that may be interesting…my friend is a health counselor and she is working with me on this.
Holly
Holly L´s last blog ..Crazy Aunt M’s Chili Brie
Yes you should do it! I know it is easy to get hung up on the things you don’t like about your body and I totally agree with Brian – it’s not about the scale. I grew up with an eating disorder and had to learn that the scale can not determine how I feel about myself. You know me…..it wouldn’t hurt for me to lose a few pounds and I do get some exercise in every week. I can still honestly say there are several parts of my body that I think are wonderful. Some that I would like to change but nothing that I can’t live with – Do your homework!
Here’s my 2 cents…take it or leave it baby! I’ve done the same thing. I compare it to Christmas. I spend a month constantly thinking about gifts to buy for people. It consumes most of my time. Then January hits and I can’t shut it off. I want to go to the sales, I’m thinking birthdays…next Christmas. Whatever you focus your mind on…that will become the obsession. So I would challenge you to do the opposite of whatever an IST (couldn’t find that online either) told you to do. I would avoid mirrors, I would maybe read scripture (if you do that) about how you were fearfully and wonderfully made, I’d focus on something else you care about. Give it a couple weeks…a month. Then look in the mirror again and re-evaluate if the weight loss is still something you feel strongly about. Holly at lifelaughlatte.blogspot.com
life laugh latte´s last blog ..Someone’s Child…
1st I’m always happy to hear when hubbys are still interested in their own wives after many years of marrage. Congradulations on keeping him interested!
2nd Now that you are down to the size you want. Throw away that scale! Now to tone up those little problem areas you need to do targeted strength/weight training. Once those muscles start tightening up and getting some definition, the little bumps will go away. The other reason I say throw away the scale is that adding lean muscle actually may make you gain weight but trust me you will also be losing FAT! Keep yourself on track by measuring your self by the fit of your clothes and not by a number on a scale.
3rd I agree self affirmations are a little cheezy. But occaisionally they do work. I like to rehearse and pump myself up a little before a big meeting in front of a mirror. I think what is better is if hubby can tell you how beautiful you are. Deep down inside you already know it because it’s obvious he can’t keep his hands off you!
Way to go!
Superwoman Quest´s last blog ..Mrs. DIY
Twitter: superwomanquest
Shannon, I suggest that you develop a rating system for future blogs. Something like, for example: A (for everybody) and A-P (for everybody except parents of blog principals (as in you and your husband’s parents)). After all, some things are better left in the closet!
Naaahhhhh it’s too much fun thinking about the parental units getting up in the morning wondering what family skeleton I dragged out the night before. Now why would I want to change that?
Just saw your blog on chick chick, and I have to say as soon as I saw what your IST asked you to do-the first thing that came to my mind was-my husband would be all over that! Too funny, and SOOO true! I just lost the last of my tummy, and although I feel like I look pretty darn good nekky in the mirror, I can still grab a pinch here and a pinch there and 5 less pounds sounds pretty darn good!
I’ll have to subscribe now-you’ve got me hooked!
Tiffany H´s last blog ..Jumpeez! And Giveaway!