It’s Faded But I Don’t Care

Here I go again, referencing that Sugarland song ‘The Very Last Country Song.’

I don’t have a single country music station programmed on my car radio right now. These days I’m caught in between P!NK and Sugarland.

(reprinted with gracious permission from Cathy Thorne)

Hello, can we say mid-life crisis?    

The last time I went to see the IST, I went without my husband-partly to give him a break, but really because the IST said she wanted to work on relaxation techniques with me. Imagine that?

When I showed up alone, she immediately started on how much she likes my husband. I mean she really likes him.

I hear that a lot. My husband is oh-so-quiet, steady, but will sneak up and kill you dead in Trivial Pursuit.

There is not a match maker on this planet worth her salt that would match us up.

But he is the anchor in my hurricane of a life.

And then, the IST said something very interesting.

She said, ‘Your husband really loves you.’

Well, duh, I knew that.

The IST is not quite old enough to be my mother, but she kinda looks like my mom, and her tone switched to a cross between, ‘listen to me closely’ like my mother would say and ‘this is the IST in me talking.’

I’ve never doubted that my husband loves me. Ever. Not for a second.

But to hear it from a third party (okay, yes, I’m paying her) in such an emphatic way does something to your insides.

We have been together now for 18 years. We met in August of 1991. Can you remember what you were doing in 1991?

I can hardly remember last week, much less 1991.

That’s a long time in marriage years, which I think should be counted similar to dog years, I mean, come on, why do dogs get all the benefits?

I had turned 22 years old the week before we met. But, I still remember, just like it was yesterday, the moment we met, and knowing, in that exact moment, that my life had just changed.

I’ve learned that even happy marriages get dusty, good memories can fade and become gobbled up with bills, jobs and laundry. Lots of laundry.

Something happened when she reminded me of what I already knew, but had maybe forgotten a little.

There is a verse in my Sugarland song that reminds me of the years we’ve spent together, more days apart than together due to his job.

“I loved the man in this one
It’s faded but I don’t care
There are nights when I wake up and know that he’s beside me I swear
Sometimes I still feel him there”

Here is one of the first photos taken of us together.

I think it’s New Years Eve 1991. It’s very faded, was hard to scan.

I think that one sentence from the IST, brought me back to that place I needed to be.

A one sentence reminder of that faded photo and what it represents: the un-faded.

And yes, I’m expecting lots of jokes about the hair.

I don’t know why he wore it like that.

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